Since I started constructing these NHL Power Rankings around a new theme every week, I’ve had a few fun ones suggested to me by colleagues, including this one.
“Honest NHL Team Slogans” was a thread on Reddit and a good idea that was executed by a fan back in 2014.
We decided to update the concept, fresh for 2017. We put our own spin on it, not unlike a rapper hopping on another dude’s record and trying to outshine them on the remix. Imitation and flattery and all that.
Welcome to the NHL Power Rankings: Honest Team Slogans Edition.
All 30 clubs are ranked according to current strength.
As for the write-ups, our marketing department has cooked up a candid slogan the teams are free to use on T-shirts, posters, oversized foam hands, or rally towels.
[relatedlinks]
| Rank | Team | Previous | |
| 1 |  |
If Ovie Can’t Win 2018 Olympic Gold Against a Bunch of Amateurs, We Give Up |
4 |
| 2 |  |
We’re All Just Scared He’ll Healthy-Scratch Us |
1 |
| 3 |  |
We Stole Your Outdoor Game and Loved It |
3 |
| 4 |  |
Our Owner Is Better at Hockey Than Your Owner, So Zip It |
2 |
| 5 |  |
Turns Out, Bernier’s Always Been Set to West Coast Time |
11 |
| 6 |  |
You Will Sit Quietly and Respect All 74 Minutes of Our Pre-Game Ceremony |
5 |
| 7 |  |
Antti Raanta, Pro Lundqvist |
7 |
| 8 |  |
How’s Martin Erat Workin’ Out for Ya? |
12 |
| 9 |  |
Thank Goodness the Kings Fell Apart This Season |
14 |
| 10 |  |
Pssst… We Rigged Those Lotteries |
9 |
| 11 |  |
Monnny& |
6 |
| 12 |  |
Kanata — We Have a Place You Can Park! |
10 |
| 13 |  |
Peaking at the Wrong Time |
13 |
| 14 |  |
Where Every Game Presents Another Chance for Jumbo to Score Four Goals |
8 |
| 15 |  |
We Don’t Know Where Joffrey Lupul Is Either |
15 |
| 16 |  |
Please Check Our Twitter Feed for Stamkos Health Updates |
18 |
| 17 |  |
Whatever You Like, Mr. Tavares |
17 |
| 18 |  |
Hands Off, Quebec City! |
19 |
| 19 |  |
Rebuilding on the Fly Doesn’t Fly |
16 |
| 20 |  |
Two Rings Is Plenty, Guys |
21 |
| 21 |  |
We Get Hextall and Hakstol Mixed Up, Too |
20 |
| 22 |  |
Re-sign Jagr? We’ll Mullet Over |
24 |
| 23 |  |
Did We Mention Jack Eichel Missed 21 Games? |
22 |
| 24 |  |
We Don’t Know How to Spell “Schiefele” Either |
23 |
| 25 |  |
Helluva Run, Boys |
25 |
| 26 |  |
We’re Cool with Our Goaltending (Wink, Wink) |
26 |
| 27 |  |
Leading the League in Sedins Since 2000 |
28 |
| 28 |  |
Shaving, Playoffs Now Optional |
29 |
| 29 |  |
Check Out Our Kickstarter Page, Coming Soon |
27 |
| 30 |  |
Make Us a Better Offer |
30 |
