You can tell when an idea is doomed from inception. But every so often one comes along that makes too much sense for it not to happen. Count the NBA’s latest proposed marketing ploy in the latter category.
On Monday, it was revealed that the league is toying with the idea of replacing surnames on jerseys with player nicknames.
It should be noted that this isn’t the first time, as ‘Pistol’ Pete Maravich fans can attest. Yet as of now, only the Brooklyn Nets and Miami Heat are up for consideration, and the jerseys will likely be featured sparingly (still, it would be a decided improvement on these), but that didn’t stop us from predicting how a list of the top-10 bestselling nickname jerseys from around the league might look, based on an incredibly intricate algorithm:
1. Black Mamba (Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles Lakers #24)
Rule No. 1- Self-appointed nicknames lifted from Quentin Tarrantino movies always win.
2. Super Cool Beas (Michael Beasley, Miami Heat #30)
Rule No. 2- Self-appointed nicknames etched in ink cross ones back always get second.
3. Psycho T (Tyler Hansbrough, Toronto Raptors #50)
Hey Raptors fans, still deciding between a Valanciunas jersey or T-Ross? Forget that, this is the only Toronto jersey you’ll ever need.
4. Jon Paul George & Ringo (Paul George, Indiana Pacers #24)
Pay tribute to both one of the league’s rising stars and rock n’ roll royalty all at once. I believe the term is “win-win”.
5. Red Rocket (Matt Bonner, San Antonio Spurs #15)
A little Canadian connection for everybody’s favourite honourary (for now) Canuck.
6. Big Baby (Glen Davis, Orlando Magic # 11)
It’s not every day you get a chance to grab an NBA jersey for the sole purpose of soul-crushing ridicule But this is an opportunity too good to pass up.
7. Diggler (Dirk Nowitzki, Dallas Mavericks #41)
He’s a star, he’s a big, bright shining star.
8) (tie) The Truth (Paul Pierce, Brooklyn Nets #34) & AK47 (Andrei Kirilenko, Brooklyn Nets #47)
Long-established as two of the best nicknames around, these are no-brainers.
9) Tuff Juice (Caron Butler, Milwaukee Bucks #3)
Okay, Butler’s career is heading in the wrong direction after being dumped by both the Clippers and Suns this off-season before landing on the sad-sack Bucks. But like you wouldn’t walk around with ‘Tuff Juice’ scrawled across your back?
10) Z-Bo (Zach Randolph, Memphis Grizzlies #50)
It’s not the greatest or most inventive nickname, but man it just fits.
Who did we miss? Let us know in the comments below.