A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, the greatest cosmic battle was waged, and this Thursday we here in the Milky Way in the year 2020 will, at long last, get a chance to see the saga’s conclusion – until the presumed next nine-part epic that is.
In case you were wondering, the author of the NBA Tier List is kind of a Star Wars fan and, as such, he’s asking you to join him in the celebration of this momentous week with a special Star Wars edition of the weekly list, divvying it up into eight parts which may or may not be how he ranks the films.
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The Empire Strikes Back
Just like how Empire is the undisputed king of the entire Star Wars filmography, the Milwaukee Bucks and Los Angeles Lakers are unquestionably the two best teams in the league.
The Bucks have now racked up 18-straight wins and the Lakers have won 17 of their last 18.
Both of these teams are absolutely incredible at the moment and, quite fittingly for this week’s theme, they have an Empire-Rebel Alliance feel to them, with the big bad, mega-market Lakers led by the Darth Vader-like LeBron James contrasting with the quirky, yet very effective small market Bucks, who house the one threat that can stand up to James in Giannis Antetokounmpo.
The Force Awakens
Just like how young Rey showed glimpses of greatness in this film, these three teams have done the same.
All three of these clubs got major additions to their rosters in the off-season and have performed very well so far, but given some of the players on these teams — as is the hope is with Rey, and fellow new characters Finn and Poe Dameron — the best from these squads is still to come.
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A New Hope
The very first Star Wars film was a fun romp that ultimately became a cultural phenomenon on the strength of its world-building and never-before-seen take on science fiction. It was very much greater than the sum of its parts which, when nitpicked individually, don’t appear all that great.
This is a good comparison for this trio of teams. Sure there’s star power to be had on the Boston Celtics with Kemba Walker or on the Denver Nuggets with Nikola Jokic, but these aren’t exactly the most talked about stars. Instead, these are squads that just quietly go about their business and remain consistently strong.
Something which, to bring this full circle, A New Hope has become as it has aged over the years.
Return of the Jedi
Return of the Jedi on its own is a good movie, but when you consider it’s the conclusion to the first, and most beloved, trilogy of Star Wars films, it kind of falls flat – plus, it has Ewoks. Ugh.
That’s also, sort of, what we’re looking at with this trio of teams – thankfully, sans Ewoks.
Specifically looking at the Toronto Raptors, there’s little doubt they are a solid, competitive team, but as their funk over the past couple of weeks showcased, they struggle against elite competition and can, rightfully, be nitpicked by the likes of naysayers because of that.
It’s true, too, that they have an injury right now that really hurts them with Fred VanVleet out of the lineup, so maybe when he returns they jump back into hyperspace, but for the time being they just appear to be a team that can take care of business against the NBA’s lowliest.
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The Last Jedi
The placement of this film may be a little controversial for some, but ultimately The Last Jedi is a pretty good movie with many supposed flaws that, while understandable in some cases, just seem to be more a product of people actively looking for faults.
The seven teams listed above are certainly all flawed, but they’re also not abjectly horrible either, a contentious point – for some reason – among the black-and-white, champions-or-garbage nature of NBA fans.
Just like how The Last Jedi explores the shades of grey that will inevitably be within the Force, all seven of these clubs are their own shade of grey, and that’s fine.
Revenge of the Sith
The prequel trilogy does not contain good movies, but Revenge of the Sith was definitely the best of that bad lot because of its instances of momentary brilliance, such as the lightsaber duel between Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi on Mustafar.
An example of this from this quintet of teams is the Charlotte Hornets’ Devonte’ Graham, a former second-round pick from the 2018 draft who is having a breakout sophomore campaign that’s seeing him average 19.6 points on 41.1 per cent shooting from deep and that includes a 40-point, seven-made three-pointers effort last week against the Brooklyn Nets.
Ultimately though, as fun and exciting as Graham has been this season for Charlotte, they’re still a team that gets blown out far too often and simply aren’t competitive enough at the moment to be even considered mediocre.
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The Phantom Menace
Low-key, The Phantom Menace, despite its introduction of Jar Jar Binks, is not the worst of the worst Star Wars movies.
Remember how cool Darth Maul was, and the song “Duel of the Fates”? That’s kinda like what the Washington Wizards’ offence and the season Minnesota Timberwolves forward Andrew Wiggins is having is like. Absolutely entertaining, and absolutely meaningless in the grand scheme of trying to win ball games.
But at least being somewhat entertaining is better than the latter…
Attack of the Clones
Finally, there’s Attack of the Clones, a movie so putrid it just about ruined everyone’s perception of Anakin Skywalker, the man who would become Darth Vader, a character who ranks among film’s greatest villains.
And just to pile on a little more, this movie is so horrible, it shows us Yoda — not of the baby variety, unfortunately — wielding a lightsaber for the first time and going nuts with it as he flips around Count Dooku, and yet, somehow, still manages to be a disaster.
That’s the level of bad we’re talking about with these five teams here. Especially the sad-sack New Orleans Pelicans, who have lost 12-straight and have a four-game road trip on the horizon after what will likely be a loss to the Nets on Tuesday.
The midichlorians count is basically at zero for them and all of the the teams listed above.
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