At the risk of kicking a good man when he’s down, we offer up a couple of suggestions to Rich Stubler if he ever gets the opportunity to become a head coach again.
1.) Don’t begin your tenure by making the media mad. In the middle of the Toronto Argonauts’ quarterback controversy, Stubler claimed it didn’t bother him because he never reads the newspapers. To quote Glenn Close in “Fatal Attraction” as she laid down the law to Michael Douglas; “I’m not going to be ignored!”
Unlike the kooky Close, the media would never boil Stubler’s pet bunny in response to being spurned. However, we definitely don’t enjoy being ignored so even if you truly stay away from the papers, don’t announce it to the world. That’s like poking a lion with a stick and reporters will come after you even harder to see if there’s anything that will get you to start paying attention to us.
The media’s ego can be just as big as the subjects we cover and while people in pro sports love the limelight, reporters also get a rush out of folks paying attention to the news we deliver .
2.) Far be it from me to offer fashion tips. Heck! Every time I host Sportsnet Connected my mother-in-law is quick to inform me that checks and stripes just don’t jive.
That being said, however, there were times when Coach Stubler looked more like Uncle Leo from “Seinfeld”.
A woollen vest and a pair of shorts simply isn’t a good sidelines look for a professional football coach. I’m not saying you have to take after Tom Landry and wear a suit and tie with a snappy fedora. But unless you’re as ripped as one of the players, trust me Coach; nobody wants to see your legs.
My dad is about the same age as Stubler and he’d never be caught dead wearing shorts. In fact, in all the years I’ve known him, I’ve seen dad’s bare legs on only one occasion. His pins have never been exposed to the sun and catching a glimpse of those snow white wheels reminded me of that scene in “Star Wars” when Luke whips off Darth Vader’s mask and discovers that the guy inside with the ghostly flesh is really his father.
I know what some of you are thinking.
“Bill Belichick doesn’t wear shorts on the sidelines but that ugly grey Hoodie isn’t exactly an Armani, either.”
True.
But when you’ve got a bunch of Super Bowls on the old resume, you can stand on the sidelines buck naked and no one will give you any grief.
Stubler, on the other hand?
The next time you get a gig, slap on a pair of pants for crying out loud.
And every once in awhile, even if our story is a piece of garbage, don’t be afraid to tell the media how brilliant we are.