Inspired by LeBron James’ performance in Trainwreck (which we review here), we crafted a rating system to grade the performances of other NBA stars on the big screen.
Now, we’re turning our attention to the NFL.
From O.J. Simpson’s comedic turn alongside Leslie Nielsen to Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson becoming one of Hollywood’s great action stars, many former pro football players have flexed their acting chops to some success. Others, like Lyle Alzado and Brian Bosworth, were tremendous flops.
Here’s a 1-to-10 scale for rating the performances of NFL players in film.
Rating: 1 – Brian Bosworth in Stone Cold
Review: Just really bad.
Brian Bosworth brought a lot of style to the gridiron in three seasons with the Seattle Seahawks, but was lacking in the substance department.
The same goes for his feature film debut, Stone Cold. The film flopped at the box office and failed to launch Bosworth into stardom as an action star.
Rating: 2 – Lyle Alzado in Destroyer
Review: Wait, what?
Lyle Alzado was one of the most intimidating players of the 1970s and 80s. Unfortunately, the intensity that made him a two-time First Team All-Pro didn’t translate to the big screeen.
Alzado appeared in various films and television shows in the 1980s, to little acclaim. His turn as a criminal who survives the electric chair to become an unstoppable killing machine in the 1988 film Destroyer was unforgivably bad.
Rating: 3 – Dan Marino in Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
Review: Why is this happening?
This 1994 comedy that effectively launched Jim Carrey into superstardom has not aged well. Dan Marino’s performance as himself, with a reimagined end to Super Bowl XIX playing a central role in the film’s plot, stands out as one of the movie’s worst moments.
Rating: 4 – O.J. Simpson in The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!
Review: Shaky, at best. But funny.
Before he stood trial for the 1994 double murder of his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman, and after he enjoyed a Hall of Fame career as one of the greatest running backs of all-time, O.J. Simpson dabbled in acting to some success.
Simpson flashed his comedic abilities in the 1988 Leslie Nielsen vehicle The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad! He was terrible… terribly good!?
Rating: 5 – Brett Favre in There’s Something About Mary
Review: Charmingly awkward.
Brett Favre barely receives a passing grade for his turn in this 1998 comedy.
Favre was actually directors Bobby and Peter Farrelly’s third choice to make a cameo appearance in There’s Something About Mary.
A stage diving incident at an Everclear concert ruled out first choice Drew Bledsoe, and Steve Young turned it down out of fear that Mormon kids would sneak into the film to catch his appearance. Hey, at least he kept his clothes on.
Rating : 6 – Howie Long in Firestorm
Review: Not great, but not bad.
Howie Long’s six-foot-five, 268-pound frame was an obvious fit in the realm of action movies. While the Hall of Fame defensive end took the lead in the 1998 thriller Firestorm he also appeared in Broken Arrow and 3000 Miles to Graceland.
Rating: 7 – Jim Brown in I’m Gonna Git You Sucka
Review: We weren’t actually expecting that.
Any conversation revolving around the greatest NFL players of all time has to include former Cleveland Browns fullback and Hall of Famer, Jim Brown.
Brown parlayed a great NFL career into a respectable acting career, playing roles in some classic action movies like The Dirty Dozen, The Running Man, and I’m Gonna Git You Sucka.
Brown’s toe was a scene stealer in the 1988 blaxploitation film parody, I’m Gonna Git You Sucka
Rating: 8 – Bubba Smith in Police Academy
Review: Perfectly funny.
Prior to his turn as Moses Hightower in the Police Academy series, Bubba Smith starred as a defensive end at Michigan State and later with the Baltimore Colts, Oakland Raiders, and Houston Oilers over nine seasons in the NFL. Smith was a two-time Pro Bowler and also named First Team All-Pro in 1971.
The Police Academy series is like the KISS of films…they’re awesome because they’re so bad.
Rating: 9 – John Matuszak in The Goonies
Review: Can’t help but love it.
The Houston Oilers made John Matuszak the first overall pick in the 1973 NFL Draft. He went on to play nine seasons with Houston, the Kansas City Chiefs, and the Oakland Raiders. The six-foot-eight, 272-pound former defensive end landed roles in various television shows and films throughout the late 70s and 80s. If you’re of a certain vintage, you may best remember Matuszak as Sloth from the 1985 film The Goonies.
Rating: 10 – Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson in Furious 7
Review: Totally legit.
OK, so we’re cheating here. Johnson started just once in four years at the University of Miami and his professional experience is limited to a brief stint with the CFL’s Calgary Stampeders in the mid-90s. However, he’s become the gold standard for athletes-turned-actors.
As The Rock, he became one of the greatest wrestlers of all-time, winning the WWE Championship eight times. His charisma and action star physique helped him carve out a hugely successful acting career. The Rock earned $52 million as an actor in 2014, according to Forbes.
