MLB teams had some fun on Wednesday when they revealed their rosters of nicknames to be worn on jerseys during the upcoming “Players Weekend” later this month.
Some of them were pretty creative—we’re looking at you, Kyle Seager. (See our favourites here.)
The initiative, which took a page out of the NBA’s books, got us thinking about what it might look like if the NHL decided to do this, too.
These days, of course, NHL nicknames aren’t always known for their creativity. Hockey culture dictates that most simply feature a variation of “er” (Pricer, Doaner), “y” (Iggy, Patty) or “sy” (Hallsy, Hainsey—wait, actually that one’s legit) tacked on somewhere.
But while nicknames may not be what they used to be, there are definitely still some great ones around the NHL rinks these days, from Scorey Perry and King Henrik to The Flower and Phil the Thrill, to name a few.
So with that in mind, here are a few nicknames we’d love to see stitched on the back of some hockey sweaters, just for fun.
Sidney Crosby
This one has stood the test of time, and while he’s certainly not a kid anymore—he just turned 30 on Monday—this nickname is here to stay.
Johnny Gaudreau
The “Johnny Hockey” nickname spread through the league about as quickly as the speedy Calgary Flames winger can skate up the ice. It’s already a classic—so much so, Gaudreau even had it trademarked.
Jonathan Toews
He’s certainly lightened up a bit over the years, but the name still stands.
(Plus, now he’s in on the joke, which kind of makes it even better.)
Mr. and Mrs. Dead Serious. #happyhalloween makeup by @emilywolfmua
25.9k Likes, 562 Comments – Jonathan Toews (@jonathantoews) on Instagram: “Mr. and Mrs. Dead Serious. #happyhalloween makeup by @emilywolfmua”
Andrew Hammond
Hammond was one of the best stories to come out of the Ottawa Senators’ cinderella playoff run in 2015, and despite some bad injury luck since, the fun moniker remains. (Though apparently he’s all out of burgers.)
Patrik Laine
The Finnish Flash was already taken by some other guy, so Laine’s nickname went in another great direction thanks to his Datsyukian magic mitts.
Leo Komarov
Fun fact: Komarov told Steve Dangle back in December that he’s never actually watched Seinfeld and didn’t really know why people called him Uncle Leo.
Joe Thornton
The big San Jose Sharks centreman’s nickname is homegrown, thanks to the legend of Jumbo the elephant in St. Thomas, Ont., where he grew up.
Artemi Panarin
Stick-tap to the Chicago Blackhawks’ social media team for this restaurant-inspired name, which is in good hands with the Blue Jackets.
Roberto Luongo
Can you put a Twitter handle on a hockey sweater? Yup.
Alex Galchenyuk
When you’ve got two players who go by Gally joining the team around the same time, there can only be one who keeps it. Brendan Gallagher had seniority, so Galchenyuk got Chucky.
Bonus: Connor McDavid?
The Edmonton Oilers captain doesn’t actually have a bonafide nickname—and it’s not for lack of trying on the hockey world’s part.
We dug up this fun exchange between the then-prospect and our Kristina Rutherford from a 2014 edition of The Interview:
Rutherford: The Next One. Do you like that nickname?
McDavid: No. It’s a nice nickname, but it’s a lot to live up to, and I’m not sure if I’m necessarily deserving right now.
KR: If you could pick your nickname, what would you go with?
CM: Probably something with my name. I’m not a big nickname guy. The King, Captain Serious, I don’t like that kind of stuff. Probably just a nice regular name.
KR: Connie?
CM: No. God, no. Connie’s a terrible nickname.
So, no Connie. We’ll just have to wait a little longer for this one.
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