Scott Darling has been trying to find a way to say goodbye to the Chicago Blackhawks since he was traded to Carolina in late April.
That farewell letter arrived on Tuesday via a powerful piece in The Players’ Tribune.
“In writing this story, I got choked up four or five different times,” wrote Darling, who signed a four-year deal with the Hurricanes in May. “Maybe that sounds ridiculous, but that’s only if you don’t know how low of a place I clawed my way up from.”
Darling shares the story of his struggle with anxiety and alcoholism, which took him from being a Phoenix Coyotes prospect at the University of Maine to getting cut from the Louisiana IceGators of Southern Professional Hockey League.
“I’ll never forget the day my dad dropped me off at school at Maine,” he wrote. “I was like, I did it. This is just the beginning. It’s all right in front of me.
“I spent the next two years messing all that up.”
Darling’s road to recovery was long and winding, but eventually saw him make it all the way to the NHL as he helped his hometown team, the Chicago Blackhawks, win the Stanley Cup in 2015.
Now, as he embarks on a new NHL chapter with a new club, he reflects on his career so far—how he almost lost it, and how he got it all back with plenty of help from family members and friends old and new.
It’s a pretty remarkable story, and certainly worth a read.
Here are a few excerpts:
On his lowest days while playing in the SPHL:
[blockquote]I actually loved that Louisiana team, and I loved the town of Lafayette. But I had fallen so far, and instead of facing the reality, I drank to forget it. I was only making $200 a week, so my routine was pretty sad. After practice I would go to Subway and get a $5 foot-long, and then I’d go to the liquor store and get the cheapest bottle possible. And then I’d go home and drink on the couch. That was my whole day.[/blockquote]
On how alcoholism took over:
[blockquote]At that point, drinking wasn’t a choice. It wasn’t enjoying it, if that makes sense. It wasn’t something I was looking forward to, like an exciting Friday night with the boys. It was a physical necessity. My life revolved around it.[/blockquote]
On his two-month stay in rehab:
[blockquote]The experience was incredibly humbling. Just hearing stories of what other people had gone through in their lives was a huge wake-up call for me. Realizing that I still had a family that loved me and friends who cared about me, plus a very specific skill set … I mean, 99 per cent of the people I met in there would’ve done anything for those things. It was a complete release to finally talk about my fears, and my anxiety, and why I drank. I had spent my whole life worried about what other people thought of me, and then all of a sudden I was just … free.[/blockquote]
On his winding path back into the hockey world after rehab:
[blockquote]Over those two years, I had so many insane breaks that kept me moving up and down and back up the ladder, from the ECHL to the AHL. I mean, for people who don’t understand how it works — before me, nobody had ever made it to the NHL from the SPHL. It’s hard enough to even make an ECHL team from there. To then move up to the AHL is a small miracle.[/blockquote]
On being a Blackhawk:
[blockquote]…on July 1, 2014, on the three-year anniversary of my sobriety, my agent had a deal in place with the Blackhawks. I figured I’d be a depth goalie in the AHL. Never in a million years did I think I’d actually be playing for them in the playoffs that season.[/blockquote]
On the moment he knew he was a Stanley Cup champion:
[blockquote]It was with four minutes left in Game 6. Kaner scored to make it 2–0, and I had this realization that we were going to win the Stanley Cup.
I was going to win the Stanley Cup. With the Chicago Blackhawks. I remember thinking, Oh my God. What do I do with my hands?[/blockquote]
On his gratitude toward the Blackhawks:
[blockquote]For most of my life, I felt like I was alone. That’s part of the reason that I drank. I never felt connected to anyone, and I was always worried about what everyone thought of me. I can honestly say that every single guy in that Blackhawks room was a great friend to me, and that’s not bulls***. I truly mean that.[/blockquote]
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