Curious about the Sportsnet 650 #SandalScandal? Here’s what went down. We’re laughing still, but it’s very serious.
Let’s look at the evidence, shall we.
It began last week when we set up a last-minute Secret Santa. The key rule was that gift-givers were secret until the time we all exchanged gifts. As the iron-clad regulations laid out in writing, this is not anonymous Santa. Secrets are meant to be shared, just like presents, so sign your name and show your face, Santa.
Jawn Jang was gifted a charming mustache comb. He’d just shaved.
Andrew Walker got a can of corn. He loves that stuff.
Many of us got wine, me included. (Thanks Art!)
Adam Forsythe was given a pair of slip-on sandals with hockey laces as the top strap. They’re nice. The box had festive wrapping and was topped with ribbon.
But these particular sandals were small. They fit a women’s size eight foot.
Entering this photo into evidence for #SandalScandal @Sportsnet650
They are nice. Comfy. Attractive. Definitely the same size as a women’s 8. Would not fit a six-three adult man with size-12 feet. pic.twitter.com/FSLqtr5Zy6
— Megan Stewart (@MHStewart) December 21, 2017
They were dwarfed next to the size-13 feet of a six-foot-three adult man. Who does, indeed, have a reputation for being a dedicated hockey fan, so the thought was there.
On Wednesday, the hosts of On Point cross-examined Forsythe about the gift.
The sandals came from Steve Darling. Forsythe gave him the benefit of the doubt, asking, “Is there a possibility I got a gift that was meant for one of his kids?”
Perry “Mason” Solkowski admitted he was “frown face” about participating in the office holiday swap but proved was a good sport.
Randip Janda made his case that the best gift is always booze.
It is alleged, to explain the questionable gift choice, that perhaps the sandals were already in Darling’s possession. Let the jury sit with that accusation.
Later in the day, the hosts of The Program rolled up their sleeves and started working their sources for information. The term “re-gifted” was used. Andrew Walker alleged a “broken culture.” This is serious now. The prosecution is forming a case.
“If he’s found guilty, we’ll hand out the punishment,” vowed Walker. “We’re talking fines, levies…”
What about a round of beer, suggested Scott Rintoul. May the jury please consider this sentence.
What’s needed, said Walker, is amends for each and every one of the secret Santas. “He has to make right with the entire staff. We’ve all be disrespected here.”
That takes us to this morning. The defence came prepared.
Darling considered the charges against him in the court of opinion and offered a rebuttal.
“How do you address these charges,” asked James Cybulski.
Mira Laurence asked, “Did you re-gift?”
Darling replied that he went to the store, carefully considering gifts – from a “Christmas ball” to a book – and worked with a personal sports shopping consultant. Despite all this effort, he presented appealed to the court that he was “disparaged.”
He contended he bought the sandals. He does not like the accusations against him of re-gifting. He wants an apology for himself, his wife and his personal shopper, Brent. He wants it in writing and read on the air. “Or else I will contact a lawyer.”
Bring in the judge and jury, station director Craig MacEwen. With the help of prestigious law firm of Dewey, Partay ‘n Howe, the would-be Ben Stone gave his verdict.
On the count that Secret Santa rules were botched: SN 650 is innocent.
On the count of re-gifting: Darling is innocent.
On the count of shamelessly plugging a sports store to get his son free hockey gear: Darling is guilty.
On the count of the sandals being too small: Undeniable fact.
The sentence: Darling must collect the sandals and purchase Forsythe a suitable Secret Santa gift. May we suggest a bottle of booze?
Tune in to AM 650 in the Lower Mainland to hear the ensuing apologies from Solkowski and Walker and probably also Forsythe just for having feet.
Remember, this is very serious.
** ** ** ** UPDATE ** ** ** **
Oh wait, there’s more.
As promised, On Point host Perry Solkowski prepared this message.
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