NHL Power Rankings: 7th Annual Hockey Haiku Edition

Our Power Rankings
Crammed into tiny poems
Easy-to-read fare

1. Tampa Bay Lightning

Champs keep on truckin’
Hedman eyes one more Norris
All this without Kuch

2. Boston Bruins

Pink shades, cap flipped back
Sun’s out, sniper’s out, sing out
“Barbie Girl,” Pasta

3. Toronto Maple Leafs

Panic attacks spread
Sweat, fear, overwhelming dread…
“Freddie’s day-to-day”

4. Vegas Golden Knights

C-3PO shine
Gleams like hope, suns slicing night
Vegas gold helmets

5. Colorado Avalanche

Saves for days, mad chill
Still sunglasses and Advil
The Grubauer mood

6. Florida Panthers

Pay goalie 10 M’s
Yet ECHL longshot
Cashes more wins… wow

7. Carolina Hurricanes

Canes now piling goals,
Leafs playing D, cats love dogs
Mass hysteria

8. Winnipeg Jets

Secret to success
Is strength up the gut — one, two
Scheifele, Dubois punch

9. Edmonton Oilers

Poke-steal, kick to blade,
Nine fast handles, Eyes sell pass,
Puck snaps… Connor wows

10. Washington Capitals

Fear does not exist
In this dojo, no mercy
Lavi: “Sweep the leg!”

11. Chicago Blackhawks

Claim to know hockey
But deep down? Never heard of
Suter, Lankinen

12. Los Angeles Kings

Kopitar on fire
Doughty, Brown, Carter as well
Is this 2012?

13. Philadelphia Flyers

Tucked ’round dark corners,
Hides in kids’ closets, ’neath beds
Just waiting… Gritty

14. New York Islanders

Locked down like COVID
Best offence is good defence
At least Barzal flies

15. St. Louis Blues

Junior gold medal
Breakout season in the Lou
Meet Jordan Kyrou

16. Minnesota Wild

Kaprizov shining,
Mats back, retro sweaters pop
Good things in Minny

17. Montreal Canadiens

Goals dry, human Price
Mighty Habs fire Julien
Juggernaut no more

18. Dallas Stars

Global pandemics
And freak power outages
League’s fewest games played

19. Pittsburgh Penguins

One thousand games played
What a grand thing to have seen
Tell kids you saw Sid

20. Arizona Coyotes

Legacy favours
Carey Price, but Canada
Should look at Kuemper

21. Calgary Flames

The Flames’ Coaching Tre(e):
Bob Hartley, Glen Gulutzan,
Bill Peters, Geoff Ward

22. Columbus Blue Jackets

Sharp splinters prod pants
No glance from above, just shame
Coach Torts has benched me

23. New Jersey Devils

If Hischier gets C
Midwinter without fans’ cheer,
Does anyone hear?

EL Capitán pic.twitter.com/koNEjHvmfJ

— P.K. Subban (@PKSubban1) February 20, 2021

24. New York Rangers

Mika starting slow,
Tony waived, Artemi leaves
Big Apple bitten

25. Vancouver Canucks

A riddle to solve:
If Aquilini believes,
Why no green for Green?

26. San Jose Sharks

Given a penny
For each Brent Burns Kit Kat ad,
Pockets’d be chunky

27. Buffalo Sabres

Think it can’t get worse?
Seventy-two million dollars
On a healthy scratch

28. Nashville Predators

Frigid water smacks
Face, franchise sees clear what’s true
Time for a rebuild

29. Anaheim Ducks

Someone, anyone
Help Gibson by scoring goals?
Zegras enters chat

30. Detroit Red Wings

A once-great empire
Crumbles to ash, awaits spark
To rise like phoenix

31. Ottawa Senators

Deepest of rebuilds
Two years from two years away
Four goals slip per night

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