NHL's decisions leave fans scratching their heads

EDMONTON — Remember the old days, before hockey fans went full QAnon with their conspiracy theories and obtuse innuendo that shrouds every referee’s decision, or every spin of the NHL’s Wheel of Justice? 

When I was a kid, if we were faced with a touring Red Army team that was years ahead of us in skill and grace, we would simply unleash the savages in orange and black uniforms to chase them off. Then we’d laugh at those Russians, the purveyors of some of the most beautiful hockey ever played, because they were “goin’ home!” 

Ah, for simpler times. (Cough...) 

Today it has become so much more complicated.  

Today’s hockey fan lives in a world where Toronto (the video room) screws over Toronto (the hockey team), because we all know that commissioner Gary Bettman doesn’t want his highest-revenue, largest-viewing audience team to hang around the playoffs any longer than necessary. 

Surely not ahead of the Carolina Hurricanes and Florida Panthers, two excellent hockey teams whose collective fan base could fit inside Dave Bidini’s guitar case, compared to Leafs Nation. 

The Rangers, Bruins, Penguins, Red Wings, Flyers, Blackhawks, Lightning — all of TV’s big-draw American teams — are toast. But dammit, I’m sick and tired of a league that only cares about viewers south of the border. 

But the irony is, just when you think the conspiracists might be running out of code, out comes an NHL TV arm that decrees the only game to be played on Sunday night should begin at 10 p.m. ET.

Why, you ask? 

Here’s where I get to add to the intrigue: 

It’s an ESPN game, and even though my bosses at Sportsnet paid the equivalent of the GDP of a small European nation for the rights to televise games like this one — with Connor McDavid and Leon Draisaitl fighting for their playoff lives — well, the Red Sox and Cardinals are playing on Sunday Night Baseball, you see, a game that starts at 7 p.m. ET. 

Why not use ESPN2, you ask? 

“Tsk, tsk,” the ESPN execs said. “We’ve got American Cornhole League at 9 p.m.” 

That’s right, Canada. 

It’s the ACL SuperHole IV, Prelim No. 4, live from Fort Worth, Texas, that has Sunday evening booked on The Deuce. 

You folks out East who want to see what a real “core” player looks like when the chips are down? Ya, you’ll have to stay up past midnight to see the third period. 

Of course, Western Conference fans and media aren’t immune to the theory that Gil Stein never lost his seat as NHL commissioner, and was still secretly pulling the strings from his compound in Arizona before his passing last year. 

(Why else would the Coyotes still be there?) 

In Edmonton, a careless high-sticking penalty taken by Mattias Janmark — the one that gave Vegas the five-on-three that opened the flood gates — is completely overlooked by fans who think Bill Daly must have buzzed referee Steve Kozari’s shock collar moments earlier, when he called Philip Broberg for holding from 80 feet away. 

A bad call isn’t a bad call anymore. It’s a master plan. 

A game plan isn’t a game plan. It’s … well, it’s obvious what it is, right? 

“There’s been a lot of shots both ways, let’s just say that,” Alex Pietrangelo said on Saturday, speaking to the Vegas media after serving his one-game suspension for his chop on Leon Draisaitl’s arm. 

Pietrangelo’s argument goes like this: he’s getting pounded every shift out there — often by Evander Kane, who has a long history with the Department of Player Safety but must have changed his digits or something this spring. 

And HE’S the one who gets suspended?!? 

“It’s pretty obvious what’s going on. There’s some premeditated stuff, I’m pretty sure, coming at me. They didn’t seem to care in the meeting,” he said of his disciplinary hearing with the league. “I’ll get up and take it. I’m not going to lie on the ice like … what we’ve been seeing. I’ll get up and play the game the way it needs to be played.” 

If by “premeditated stuff” he means, take a run at Vegas’ best defenceman every single chance you get, we’ve got news for you, Alex. That particular conspiracy wasn’t exactly found in Area 51 – it was employed by Newsy Lalonde. 

Look, seriously. We get it. 

Pietrangelo didn’t roll around when Kane cross-checked him in the face, or all the other times he’s “taken the cream,” as Oilers coach Jay Woodcroft worded it. 

Pietrangelo took it like a pro. 

I respect that. 

But when Mattias Ekholm was buried head first into the boards by Keegan Kolesar, “it looked like (Ekholm) got hurt,” Pietrangelo said, “and he’s out there the next shift.” 

The next shift was the next period, and that’s a game misconduct every day of every week. 

I’ve had Pietrangelo on my Norris ballot six or seven times over the years. He’s a Team Canada defenceman and tougher than my old Spalding helmet. We need more guys in our game who stay on their feet like he does, not less. 

But Ekholm is every bit as tough and honest, and Draisaitl falling to the ice had nothing to do with a one-game suspension that could easily have been two or three games. 

Sorry, Petro. If you favour a game where guys can “Paul Bunyan” the other team’s star in the final minutes of a game the way you did, maybe you should find a spot in the World Axe Throwing League. 

I hear it’s on ESPN, right before Game 7.